Posted by beltway girl on Wednesday, March 05, 2008 2:19:12 PM
HILLARY: So, I have this dream, and it's always the same.
DOCTOR: What is it? The hat?
HILLARY: Yes, the hat. I've turned into a hat.
DOCTOR: And this is in the field of cattle.
HILLARY: Yes.
DOCTOR: We've discussed this before. This is a reference to your Texas campaign, and how you alluded to the fact that Obama was all hat and no cattle. Meaning, no substance. But in reality, you yourself fear you're all style and no substance. Do you understand?
HILLARY: Mmhmm.
DOCTOR: Now back to Texas and that 3 a.m. ad.
HILLARY: Mmhmm.
DOCTOR: Where did the idea for that ad come from?
HILLARY: I don't recall.
DOCTOR: You don't recall?
HILLARY: No.
DOCTOR: Think hard.
HILLARY: I don't know.
DOCTOR: Okay, but you approved the ad.
HILLARY: Well, yes. Listen, you've already disclosed to me that you're an Obama contributor, and--
DOCTOR: Hillary, don't you think this ad makes you to appear to be something of a hawk? And I mean, when you appeal to your base, you're always trying to look dovish. Why did you run this ad?
HILLARY: Because of the state I was in.
DOCTOR: But Hillary, John McCain's the hawk. You're supposed to be the victimized dove. Are you planning on running this ad in Pennsylvania?
HILLARY: No.
DOCTOR: Why not?
HILLARY: Because of the state I'm in.
DOCTOR: Look, Hillary. The ad isn't in keeping with your statements about wanting to take your vote back on Iraq. You showed that when the phone rings, you don't know how to answer, or what to say. Obama, on the other hand--
HILLARY: It's hard. You know? It's hard--
DOCTOR: Mrs. Clinton, stop crying. Now, Obama--
HILLARY (screaming): Look, you, what state am I in? Texas is a conservative state! I need to look like a hawk! I have to look like a strong woman! Pennsylvania is a whole different bag of cats! Now, damnit, what state am I in?
DOCTOR: Dissociative state, altered state, it's hard to tell--
HILLARY: How many delegates do they have?
Thursday, March 6, 2008
The Dream Is Always the Same, Part II
Posted by beltway girl on Wednesday, March 05, 2008 10:47:49 PM
HILLARY: It's the hat again.
DOCTOR: Okay. Tell me about that.
HILLARY: This time, I turn into the hat, and all the cattle start complaining about being taken in boxcars to a brokered convention. And then, they all start screaming, "Yes, We, Can! Yes, We, Can!"
DOCTOR: Yes, well, we've already discussed the fact that you have deep-rooted anxiety where Obama's charisma, brilliant rhetoric, and ability to connect with the voters are concerned. It's giving you repressed feelings of guilt.
HILLARY: Mmhmm. Well, one of the cattle that was screaming had a cigar in his mouth, and I think it was Rush Limbaugh.
DOCTOR: Yes. Well, this confirms my theory that much of your guilt since the Ohio and Texas primaries stems from subconscious fears that Limbaugh has made you into a pawn by encouraging crossover voters from his own party to vote for you, thus sabotaging Obama's legimtimate chance for victory in the general election. Not to mention the damage done to the party by making the voters watch you viciously attack Senator Obama right through to Pennsylvania and perhaps beyond.
HILLARY: Mmhmm. Well, then the Limbaugh cattle pulls out a cell phone. And all of a sudden, I'm in the White House, and it's--
DOCTOR: 3 a.m.?
HILLARY: Right! So I figure it's Limbaugh calling to torture me, and I don't answer it. But..
DOCTOR: Yes?
HILLARY: Well, it turned out to be a catastrophic crisis in the Middle East, and Obama ended up taking the call. So I got impeached and Obama became president.
DOCTOR: Interesting.
HILLARY: I'm afraid to close my eyes now. I keep hearing the cattle, "Yes, We, Can! Yes, We, Can!"
DOCTOR: Mrs. Clinton, when you were in Ohio, did you eat your way across the state again?
HILLARY: Yes I did.
DOCTOR: Did you by any chance have... a steak?
HILLARY: Yes I did.
DOCTOR: Did you enjoy the steak?
HILLARY: Yes I did.
DOCTOR: Did you leave a tip this time, Mrs. Clinton?
HILLARY, Why, no, I must have forgot-- Oh, oh, I think I see what you're sa--
DOCTOR: Yes, You, Can! Yes, You, Can overcome all of this repressed guilt, Mrs. Clinton. Yes, You, Can!
HILLARY: It's the hat again.
DOCTOR: Okay. Tell me about that.
HILLARY: This time, I turn into the hat, and all the cattle start complaining about being taken in boxcars to a brokered convention. And then, they all start screaming, "Yes, We, Can! Yes, We, Can!"
DOCTOR: Yes, well, we've already discussed the fact that you have deep-rooted anxiety where Obama's charisma, brilliant rhetoric, and ability to connect with the voters are concerned. It's giving you repressed feelings of guilt.
HILLARY: Mmhmm. Well, one of the cattle that was screaming had a cigar in his mouth, and I think it was Rush Limbaugh.
DOCTOR: Yes. Well, this confirms my theory that much of your guilt since the Ohio and Texas primaries stems from subconscious fears that Limbaugh has made you into a pawn by encouraging crossover voters from his own party to vote for you, thus sabotaging Obama's legimtimate chance for victory in the general election. Not to mention the damage done to the party by making the voters watch you viciously attack Senator Obama right through to Pennsylvania and perhaps beyond.
HILLARY: Mmhmm. Well, then the Limbaugh cattle pulls out a cell phone. And all of a sudden, I'm in the White House, and it's--
DOCTOR: 3 a.m.?
HILLARY: Right! So I figure it's Limbaugh calling to torture me, and I don't answer it. But..
DOCTOR: Yes?
HILLARY: Well, it turned out to be a catastrophic crisis in the Middle East, and Obama ended up taking the call. So I got impeached and Obama became president.
DOCTOR: Interesting.
HILLARY: I'm afraid to close my eyes now. I keep hearing the cattle, "Yes, We, Can! Yes, We, Can!"
DOCTOR: Mrs. Clinton, when you were in Ohio, did you eat your way across the state again?
HILLARY: Yes I did.
DOCTOR: Did you by any chance have... a steak?
HILLARY: Yes I did.
DOCTOR: Did you enjoy the steak?
HILLARY: Yes I did.
DOCTOR: Did you leave a tip this time, Mrs. Clinton?
HILLARY, Why, no, I must have forgot-- Oh, oh, I think I see what you're sa--
DOCTOR: Yes, You, Can! Yes, You, Can overcome all of this repressed guilt, Mrs. Clinton. Yes, You, Can!
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